Building my personal website has been a stressful experience. It has produced frequent crisis of confidence. I’m not naturally a self-promoter – and I blush as I write this article about narcissism.
My “bible” during the build has been Lynda Gratton’s book – “The Shift: The Future of Work is already here”. It’s an excellent, recommended read. It’s been mentioned in a previous blog post – and I am sure will feature in many more. Lynda’s book also formed a significant part of The Economist’s Special Report on “The Future of Jobs”.
Lynda peppers the book with quotes about the challenge to balance narcissism with reputation building and personal branding”:
“These are also the people who will tread the fine line between out-and-out narcism and a more nuanced presentation and branding of self.”
“Walking the line between personal branding and making a mark, and out-and-out narcism, will be increasingly important.”
“I don’t want to confuse narcissism with this reputational building. It’s not narcissistic to want to build a trusted personal brand – it’s vital.”
It’s encouraging – but doesn’t give you much of a safety net. Being a pioneer – can mean you fall flat on your face and your personal branding just makes you appear a pushy, self-promoting, narcissist!
Also, while the website building process has been going on – I seem to have been bombarded by headlines such as:-
Marketing to Narcisists – by Seth Godin
Social Network Overuse Breeds Narcissism – the Daily Telegraph
In the end, I bit the bullet and did all the things that I needed to do. Some were easier than others.
I had some great help from the team at local Bath agency, Storm. Dave Kelly (the “award-winning” young boss) took the brief, Andrew pulled together a simple – but striking – design and Liam wired it all up so that it worked. It’s been quite a big build as I decided that the “Projects & Tales” area were going to be the best way to build confidence with visitors. The site is aimed at business founders who might want help – and like minded individuals who want to make contact. Lynda’s book was again useful on this:
“Attractors pull others towards them because they are seen as open, so others feel less anxious about approaching them, and they are seen as good at reciprocating, so their friends are keen to introduce their friends to them. But perhaps the most important pull of attraction is that they are seen as interesting and exciting, and create clear pathways along which others feel they can approach them.”
It would have been cheaper to just have a DIY site from About.me or Flavors.me – but I felt the “storytelling” was important. Would be interested to hear your thoughts if you get chance to compare the three sites.
Having my picture taken was pretty cringey. Despite being a professional photographer for nearly 15 years – I’d never been the “victim” of a studio photographer before. Neill Menneer from Bath studio Spirit Contemporary Photography, put me at ease. I’m pleased with the results. It was originally suggested that I could just have a “snap” done – but the professional photography makes such a difference. I think if I was running on a tighter budget I would have had the pro photo session done – and just gone with About.me or Flavors.me. I would then have worked harder on a basic WordPress.com blog to back up those sites.
Writing the project and tales was a cathartic and enjoyable experience. It was definitely self-indulgent, but an important opportunity to reflect on what I have done that I’ve enjoyed and have managed to make a difference with. Getting the tone right was important – and here I drafted in the services of my “big sister”, Sandra. She’s an experienced newspaper sub-editor. As well as knocking the writing, spelling and grammar in to shape, Sandra was able to give me an honest answer to my questions like “does this make me sound too much of a twat!” I hope she’s been honest!!!
Finally, I knew that there was one page that needed to be a bit more “sales”/pushy. That was the About Me page. I decided to outsource the writing of this. Lea Woodward offers a great service to do this. I sent her the draft of my site – and a brief on who I was trying to reach. I think she’s got the tone right – and along the way she reinforced that I should use “you” in my writing much more than “I”. Training the narcissist out of me!
Well, the site is now up and running. I’ve still not shown my wife or given her the link. I still find the idea of talking about myself and showing personal pictures in such a public way skin crawling!
I did read an article last week that did give me faith that if I come across as a narcissist, it’s not that bad.
Michael Maccoby – author of books like “Narcissistic Leaders: Who Succeeds and Who Fails” and “The Productive Narcissist: The Promise and Peril of Visionary Leadership” said:
“Steve Jobs is a text-book example of a brilliant productive narcissist, a change-the-world personality who evolved into a great leader by developing his strategic intelligence: foresight, partnering, visioning and motivating.”
RIP Steve – a narcissist the world admires!
Great Article Phil.
I often ponder the same question. I think for me the answer might be found in the “Why” I do what I do.
Do I strive to share my inner wisdom with the world because I genuinely think I have something to share and that through this sharing others lives may be positively impacted, or do I really just seek attention because secretly I am afraid of insignificance? The funny thing is that either question could lead in the direction of narcissism.
It comes down to being satisfied with where I am and the choices I make. As I have heard others, far more eloquent than myself, say “What others think of me is really none of my business.”
I am of the opinion that the most narcissistic people I have ever met never ponder the possibility that they may be narcissistic. Perhaps in simply asking myself if my choices are narcissistic moves me beyond the boundaries of narcissism.
I liked the post and the opportunity to reexamine a question which frequently causes me more concern than necessary.
Hi Elliott.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment – and congratulations for being the first person to comment on the new site. There must be a “blue plaque” in there for you!
I’m glad that someone else out there ponders these questions too. I’m also pleased that you think it is in the “why” . You’d like my good “online” friend, Joel Canfield. His site is http://www.findingwhy.com. You can guess what he blogs about.
Love the quote: “What others think of me is really none of my business.” – but a little worried about “I am of the opinion that the most narcissistic people I have ever met never ponder the possibility that they may be narcissistic.”
Nice to meet. Heading off to your blog to explore.
Howdy, Phil! Nice digs. The elegantly understated thing works well for your voice. And thanks for the mention; I love “why” almost as much as bacon.
Elliot, I’m firmly of the opinion that if we spend any time at all worrying “Am I a self-centered jerk?” then we’re not. Now, could we be perceived as one? Certainly. There are folks who consider me a self-centered jerk, but I’ve accepted over decades of struggle that it’s not about me, it’s about them. I’m polite, I behave well in public, but I speak my mind. Tactfully, quietly (usually) and with spaces for others to talk.
But I trust myself implicitly, and sometimes, folks find that intimidating. I do all I can to not to intimidate, but in the end, I accept that sometimes when we’re true to ourselves we’ll get sideways with someone.
Hi Joel,
Somehow, four years ago, I missed your thoughtful response to my statement. Thank you for your insight. I am sorry I missed it in a more timely manner. I only found it today because someone who googled me found it and pointed it out to me.
It is remarkable to me that so much stuff is saved out here in cyberworld. I suppose that is a very good reason to only say things one wants preserved for eternity.
I appreciate you and certainly will check out your blog, which I would have done years ago if I had seen either of these comments. It must finally be the right time for me to do so.
Thanks friend,
Elliott
Hi Joel. You are always welcome at my “nice digs”! Appreciate your thoughts and comments – and I can’t think anyone would have you down as a “self-centred jerk”. P
Hi Phil
Thanks so much for the kind words about The Shift – it is indeed a fine line between getting your ideas out there and narcissism. I think in the end its about whether you care about the idea – or if its all about you. I have just come back from Abu Dhabi with the World Economic Forum meeting of 700 people from across the world working in over 70 Council groups to talk about some crucial issues. I did not meet a single person who was narcisistic – they where all there because they truly cared about their passion.
Hi Lynda. Thanks for “popping by” and commenting. Hope you guys managed to start dealing with those crucial issues while you were in Abu Dhabi. I think your view reinforces Elliott’s view that this sort out passion positively impacts other people. Thanks for making a difference. P
Hi Phil,
What a fascinating post! You have managed to articulate perhaps what my fear was in embracing my online presence : http://handyelephant.com/2011/11/04/embrace-your-online-presence/, i.e. coming across too narcisistic.
What I quickly learnt however, was that this is no excuse for not putting yourself out there. As there is information about us all on the internet now whether we like it or not, it is up to you to create the right impression. Surely coming across as slightly narcisistic is a risk worth taking?
Let me know what you think!
Sarah
Hi Sarah. Thanks for your kind words. I’d read your post on HandyElephant the other day – it’s a really good account of taking first steps into the on-line world. You are right about “putting yourself out there”. It’s a case of being the “first mover” in your own space. People should know about Sarah Malik and Phil O’Brien from the horse’s mouth – not second hand! Enjoying your blog posts. Phil